God DOESN'T Hate Fags

God DOESN'T hate fags. I know its a really risky title, but I wanted your attention. Hatred. It can sneak up on you, it can be blatantly thrown at you, but it seems that no matter where it comes from or how it comes it still hurts just as bad. Hatred and disapproval have always been a factor in my life personally because I have always been really scared of what people thought of me and how I could fix they way they perceived me. It simply caused a lot of fear and insecurity in my life that carried over into my new found life I am living following God. Being gay and trying to find some form of acceptance from those that are so close minded can be the hardest thing you do, but it is also hard to find acceptance when you come out of a life you never wanted.

   I feel as if some times, someone has blinded me and right when they take off the blind fold, I see that I'm in a tub full of sharks ready to attack at any moment. Personally, I have feared what was and is to come. I have feared the words, the daggers, the cuts in my character, that I may encounter. Some have feared for me but, at this point, it's no longer a matter of what people say or how people feel, but it's a matter of how God moves on a situation to change the words of death into life. I read something recently that mention the heart posture of King David when he asks God in Psalms 80:3, " Restore us, O God; make your face shine on us, that we may be saved." In this article it was explained that David was in such a place of hurt, he knew only God could change feelings and circumstances when it came to the human complex. Hate is a four letter word, but each letter is just as sharp as the first dagger thrown. When hatred or bitterness and anger get thrown at you, you must learn to not automatically shut down and cower away, you have to allow God to move what he has to move in your heart in order to stay strong and move through the clouds. Hatred, I believe, is something that only God can extract from our hearts and replace it with his love and grace, because there are just somethings only God can change in our hearts.

     Proverbs 10:12 literally says, "Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love makes up for all offenses." Hatred was designed to stir up these feelings of anger, but letting go of that can allow you to see all of the other opportunities for God to work in your life. For me personally, living a life of homosexuality was really frighting when I felt I was held to certain standards. Hiding under lock and key to stay in a closet I never belonged in. When I got out and gained freedom it became even more frightening to "go out unto the world" and tell people about my story. I was afraid of what people would say.... And for a while, the comments did really hurt. "You are full of lies, "Your life is sad", "You aren't helping anyone by lying for fame, "quit", "what are you really doing." Those things did hurt. It made me a little scared of what was to come. It seemed that even though my message was of a loving and accepting Jesus, people heard me and thought,"oh, just another preacher screaming GOD HATES FAGS". I never intended for that to be heard or thought. I cried so many nights because I just wanted people to hear me for what I was really saying.  

   It amazed me though, that a people group that get bashed by so many people daily wouldn't have an ounce of love for someone who measly found unhappiness in what the world promoted as the answer.  I was just looking for acceptance for my new found heterosexual life. I found it a little ironic because it seemed as if I had been hiding it and now I had to have the conversation with loved ones, "I'm..... I uhh..... I'm straight." But finding acceptance from the homo and hetero community was a lot harder then it sounded. As I went along though to churches and ministered, or even just told my story to majority of males, I got a reaction that after a while I expected. They talked about how wonderful it was I had been changed but then treated me like I had the flu and if they got close to me  they would contract it immediately. Once men find out that you had a past in homosexuality, even ministers, they act as if you'll turn in to this homo-ware-creature and pounce on them. I have heard 100s of testimonies on drug abuse, alcoholism, depression and even suicide, but when a guy gets saved and delivered from homosexuality, we act as if they could turn any moment. I admit there are battles and struggles coming out of a gay/drag lifestyle but theres no reason people should treat me different then anyone else. It then hit me. The church/world has poured so much hatred into and towards the Homosexual community that why does it surprise anyone they give that hatred right back. It's no wonder people in the homosexual community want things like "gay-safe zones" in our school systems because so much hate get push towards them that the suicide rate for a gay teen are unbearably high. 

     There are so many churches that promote and even state in their mission statement that their mission is to "Help God abolish sin and get rid of those won't follow His holy name" I read some of these and thought,"what have we become, Hitler?". It may sound sad, but I was a gay teen with a suicidal mind set. I tried pleasing so many people and being so many thing for others that I lost who I was. For me being gay on top of it all made me just want to die. I didn't want that life, I felt it chose me. Why did I have to accept it? There where so many conflicting thoughts that I couldn't handle it. It seems like some christians have this view of the homosexual community as if they were lepers and we need to lock them up in a community of their own so we can have a purified world. This is simply ridiculous and childish thinking. It seems like an endless chain of trying to find something more then what people have to offer, and it is. It's Jesus. Just like in Psalms 80:3 we have to just let God give us the acceptance and satisfaction we desire. We have to love everyone as Jesus would and let Him do the changing. This is the only way to get people to see what we see in God. It's not about whether they are gay, alcoholic, druggies or anything. It's all equal in God's eyes, sin is sin and we must move past it because God does. Help people out instead of locking the door behind them. 

    Hatred can be a very dangerous weapon in the Gay community especially. I know at this point I sound like some hippie activist that is just trying to promote love, peace and good times but it's so much more then that. "God hates fags" sounds extreme but there are real christians that have promoted Jesus this way. This just tore my heart in two. From my experience Jesus isn't this the angry, mean person they made him to be. He loves and forgives. God can't hate anyone. It's not in His nature. Yes, its true God hates sin and wants us to turn from our old ways and run after his love, but He would never hate someONE. If anything God is our biggest fan and wants us to have everything we desire under the kingdom. The God of the universe has gotten off His throne just to level with me and help me out of the hole I had buried myself in. One of my best friends in ministry recently said this to me in regard to hatred, she said,"Everyone deserves redemption. Freedom is freely given, that is the purpose of the cross. Every person has a story and sin nature. It may all looks different but it’s is all equal in the eyes of the King. Everyone's story deserves to be heard and celebrated and encouraged. Bringing it to the light expels the darkness!". This inspires me as it should everyone. Everyone deserves a chance, a moment, a freedom eureka. Allow the mind frames of the past fade away and let God show you how to really love someone and have compassion for where they are at and where they could go. 

   Now. Although there is still hatred in the darkness out there, people need to begin to rise up and not just be heartless monsters that people paint christians to be. Love people as God loves us. Even though Mascara to Manhood is a story of me leaving my gay female complex to be a Man of God, the hatred still played a big role in my transition. This isn't necessarily an anecdote or passionate limerick about my transition but, this still plays a big role in my life today being an "ex-Gay". Just another chapter for a bigger things to come.